Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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