did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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