new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
