how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
