Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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