I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
