Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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