got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
