I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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