So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
