the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
