you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you would pick up someone in the library
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
