Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
