walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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