If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
