drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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