You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
