My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
