I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
