Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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