Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
