How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
