Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
