Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
organizing the empties. That sober.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
