She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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