Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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