so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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