Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
