glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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