Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
