Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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