Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
