why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
