The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
