Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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