I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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