I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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