You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
