Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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