Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
