That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Still dying that you shit outside
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
