I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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