drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
