so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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