This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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