the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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