Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
