you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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