If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
