Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
