I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
