Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
