I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So squirting runs in the family.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
