I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
