Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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