why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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