Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
