Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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