it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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