i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
